It has come into my field of awareness that I’m going to have to work almost every day of my life for almost the rest of my life. And I’m struggling to cope with this.
This is one of those facts in life that we are all aware of deep down, but mostly try to avoid thinking about. Why is it that we as a people have created a society in which we need to do things which take up a lot of time and energy in order to earn enough money to survive?
It isn’t even that we’re doing these jobs just because they need to be done or for the satisfaction of doing them. We are working merely as a means of survival. And this concpt is making me miserable.
There has to be a better way to live our lives that doesn’t revolve around working 40+ hours per week just to earn enough money to pay for rent, bills, and groceries.
I want to do more with my life than just work. I want to have time to learn and to grow as a person. And I know I’m not the only one.
I do have a job that I enjoy. But it is also exhausting. I work in a nursery forty hours a week, taking care of babies from as young as four months. It’s tiring. Not only that, but I commute for an hour or so each way. So between the time of getting up and getting ready for work, and finally getting home, I have been on my feet for nearly fourteen hours (usually I work nine hours for four days with a one hour break, and on the fifth day I only work four hours without a break).
So naturally I am incredibly tired from a long and hectic day. It’s not as though I have a sedentary job where I get to at least physically rest if not mentally rest. I am using my body and my brain all day. I am walking or running about, I am lifting heavy objects (i.e.: babies), and I have to be very aware of everything that is going on, for the safety of the children.
The commuting is equally as exhausting as my job because I often don’t get a seat due to rush hour chaos, and I have to make at least two changes as part of my journey. Really I should have considered the complexity of the commute when choosing this job, however, with my one year anniversary of this job coming up this week, it feels redundant to bother doing anything about it now.
Maybe if I weren’t in the process of beginning a year long qualification at work then I would consider looking for a new job nearer to home. For now that will have to wait until my qualification is complete (a matter which is really out of my hands right now considering I signed all the paperwork for starting the qualification at the end of January, and more than five weeks later I have heard nothing back about it other than to request another copy of my ID because their copy wasn’t usable for some reason).
Anyway, I just feel really lost and stuck right now. I don’t feel that I have much control over my life at the minute. I do love my job, I really do. But it is such an inconvenience to my right now. Maybe if I just didn’t have to spend so much time commuting then it wouldn’t feel so bad, but it’s tiring me the fuck out. And even if I had a more relaxing journey to work then I could maybe do something which feels productive, but the most I can do these days is read a book, and as I said in my previous post, I don’t really feel like doing that at the moment.
I just want a job that doesn’t take up too much of my time, that’s easy to get to, and allows me enough free time to actually do things, because currently my only free time is at weekends, and I spend much of that time catching up on sleep because, despite going to bed early on work nights, I still feel completely exhausted by the end of the week.
Clearly this is not a situation that I will maintain for a particularly long time. In reality, as soon as I’m qualified I’m going to get a job that I can walk to, then I’ll be able to wake up early out of choice rather than necessity, then I will be able to use my time to achieve things which will make me happy.
I also feel like having a rant about not earning enough money to live alone, but perhaps I should save that for another time. Lol.
Love, Bobbi. Xx.
Bobbi's Quest to Self-Improvement 