I have spent the entire day feeling miserable, and nothing has helped.
I got up late, rushed to get ready, and ran for my bus (which was also late). Thankfully I got to work with enough time to eat before my shift, but I was still feeling pretty miserable.
I’m sure that my low mood was a combination of time of month, tiredness, and general mental health, but that didn’t mean that I was able to do anything about it. When my manager asked me what was wrong, I tried to tell him that I was having a bad day, and not really enjoying life. He more or less told me to “deal with it” which, incidentally, put me in a worse mood.
When I got home from work I decided that the best thing to do was buy chocolate, ice cream, and alcohol. I wasn’t in much mood for alcohol, and gave up on it before finishing my first drink. I didn’t eat all that much of the chocolate either. I did eat cereal, but I haven’t had a proper meal today (considering I only ate a sandwich before work).
But I still feel that life really sucks right now.
I want a new job, a healthier lifestyle, a different personality, and a better ability to cope with my own mental health. The only problem is that I don’t actually feel capable of achieving any of that.
I wish I was a completely different person, but I don’t know how to go about it. That’s kind of why I started this blog in the first place – so that I can record my journey to becoming a new person.
Once again I feel that it is time to start fresh. I’m pretty sure I tell myself this nearly every month (new uterus lining, new me???), and I don’t know how much determination or understanding I actually need to go about it.
All I ever do is fail. I constantly feel like a failure, and that no-one gives a damn about me. I really need to get out of this negative mindset.
Rules I will follow for the rest of this month:
- wake up at 0730 every morning
- practise Spanish on Duolingo
- do some variety of exercise (likely running, walking, circuit training) three times each week
- only one reasonable sized portion of sugary treats (ice cream, chocolate, cookies, etc)
- no alcohol
- no fizzy drinks
- only two caffeinated drinks per day
- start habit of cleansing and moisturising my face every morning and evening (I have been moisturising my face every night before bed for a couple of week now, which is pretty good for me)
- read for an hour every morning or evening every day (as well as reading during my commute to work)
- write in diary every morning
- take vitamins every morning (even though I’m pretty sure they caused me some terrible flatulence last week when I started using them)
- drink two litres of water every day
- put on a smile every day (even when I don’t feel like it) – not all day, just for maybe ten minutes in the morning to encourage positive emotions first thing in the morning
I don’t know if maybe this is too much to be doing in one go, but these are a selection of things that I feel are important to me. I don’t expect to succeed at all of them, but having a go at them can’t hurt. And even if none of them are completely successful, I should perhaps learn something from them.
I am going to write these on the whiteboard on my bedroom wall to remind myself of them every day. I will perhaps try to track what I do towards each thing on the daily.
Until next time…
Love Bobbi. Xx.
Bobbi's Quest to Self-Improvement 