Reading, Running, and Learning to Knit: an Update from Lockdown.

So I have currently been furloughed from work for a little over a week now. I’m not sure if being stuck at home with my parents it yet taking it’s toll, but I was definitely feeling the signs of boredom and the overwhelming sensation of a depressive episode at the beginning of this week.

In order to occupy my mind these days I am forcing myself to do a reasonable amount of reading, as I mentioned in my last post. This if vaguely going well. Since the beginning of April I haven’t yet finished a book, but I have started nine?!?!?!?!!!!

But I guess that’s fine. I’m reading each of them bit by bit. Three of the books I’m currently reading are less than 200 pages, so that makes it feel a little less daunting. But not much. However I do feel that I am having to force myself to read at the moment, because it does seem to require a heck of a lot of energy just to open a book.

Also, because I am finding the sedentary nature of this lockdown to be somewhat suffocating, I have decided that I should start exercising on a regular basis. For this I have chosen to start using the app Couch to 5K. I went for my first run yesterday, and today is a very much needed rest day. My legs ache quite a lot when walking down stairs or lowering myself into a chair. But I’m sure this will all benefit me in the end (hurhurhur).

On top of that, my mum has decided that she is going to teach me to knit. My mother is quite an ample knitter, she has been knitting consistently for about thirty years now, and is always making something, sometimes several things, most of which I tend to acquire.

Therefore she has taken it upon herself to teach me a new skill. SO far I am struggling with the basics. She taught me the motions when I was a child, but I never kept it up. Now she thought that she would just be able to teach me a couple of different techniques, and I’d get on fine. Turns out I don’t remember shit from when I’m a child, and can’t even keep a consistent number of stitches between rows.

Oh well, I guess it will all come together before I’m allowed back to work. Perhaps.

In any case, I’m fine, my family is fine, everyone I know seems to be fine. I’m actually quite enjoying this whole ‘not going to work, not having to socialise or have contact with anyone outside my house, yet still being paid’ thing. It’s just my cup of tea.

Speaking of, I might just go and get myself another one. 🙂

Until next time…

Love, Bobbi. Xx.

The Life Slump.

It has come into my field of awareness that I’m going to have to work almost every day of my life for almost the rest of my life. And I’m struggling to cope with this.

This is one of those facts in life that we are all aware of deep down, but mostly try to avoid thinking about. Why is it that we as a people have created a society in which we need to do things which take up a lot of time and energy in order to earn enough money to survive?

It isn’t even that we’re doing these jobs just because they need to be done or for the satisfaction of doing them. We are working merely as a means of survival. And this concpt is making me miserable.

There has to be a better way to live our lives that doesn’t revolve around working 40+ hours per week just to earn enough money to pay for rent, bills, and groceries.

I want to do more with my life than just work. I want to have time to learn and to grow as a person. And I know I’m not the only one.

I do have a job that I enjoy. But it is also exhausting. I work in a nursery forty hours a week, taking care of babies from as young as four months. It’s tiring. Not only that, but I commute for an hour or so each way. So between the time of getting up and getting ready for work, and finally getting home, I have been on my feet for nearly fourteen hours (usually I work nine hours for four days with a one hour break, and on the fifth day I only work four hours without a break).

So naturally I am incredibly tired from a long and hectic day. It’s not as though I have a sedentary job where I get to at least physically rest if not mentally rest. I am using my body and my brain all day. I am walking or running about, I am lifting heavy objects (i.e.: babies), and I have to be very aware of everything that is going on, for the safety of the children.

The commuting is equally as exhausting as my job because I often don’t get a seat due to rush hour chaos, and I have to make at least two changes as part of my journey. Really I should have considered the complexity of the commute when choosing this job, however, with my one year anniversary of this job coming up this week, it feels redundant to bother doing anything about it now.

Maybe if I weren’t in the process of beginning a year long qualification at work then I would consider looking for a new job nearer to home. For now that will have to wait until my qualification is complete (a matter which is really out of my hands right now considering I signed all the paperwork for starting the qualification at the end of January, and more than five weeks later I have heard nothing back about it other than to request another copy of my ID because their copy wasn’t usable for some reason).

Anyway, I just feel really lost and stuck right now. I don’t feel that I have much control over my life at the minute. I do love my job, I really do. But it is such an inconvenience to my right now. Maybe if I just didn’t have to spend so much time commuting then it wouldn’t feel so bad, but it’s tiring me the fuck out. And even if I had a more relaxing journey to work then I could maybe do something which feels productive, but the most I can do these days is read a book, and as I said in my previous post, I don’t really feel like doing that at the moment.

I just want a job that doesn’t take up too much of my time, that’s easy to get to, and allows me enough free time to actually do things, because currently my only free time is at weekends, and I spend much of that time catching up on sleep because, despite going to bed early on work nights, I still feel completely exhausted by the end of the week.

Clearly this is not a situation that I will maintain for a particularly long time. In reality, as soon as I’m qualified I’m going to get a job that I can walk to, then I’ll be able to wake up early out of choice rather than necessity, then I will be able to use my time to achieve things which will make me happy.

I also feel like having a rant about not earning enough money to live alone, but perhaps I should save that for another time. Lol.

Love, Bobbi. Xx.

Life Update… And Becoming a Student Again.

I can’t believe I missed out on writing a blog post for the last two weeks. Admittedly it has been a busy couple of weeks, and I’ve had other things to do. But now I’m back, and quite a lot has happened since I was last on this blog.

So work is starting to get busy again. I work in a nursery, and we’re getting quite a few new children starting at the moment. One of them is only four months old, and they are so cute!!! But having new children start is always kind of stressful because they miss their parents, so they’re quite upset. Screaming children creates a lot of tension in the classroom.

Then last weekend I didn’t get much rest because I went to my friend’s hen-do (AKA bachelorette party). The wedding is net weekend, so I’m not going to have much free time next weekend either, but it will e totally worth it.

But possibly more important than any of that (for me personally at least) is that on Friday I finally signed my application for my childcare level three course!!! I’m so excited!! I haven’t done study in about five years, and I don’t think I was ever a particularly studious student (the depression didn’t help with that). I just want to prove to myself that I am actually capable of studying really hard and doing well. I just want to be proud of myself for doing well.

So that is going to take up a lot of my time for the next year. I’m beginning to get anxious that I’m not going to have enough time to study around working 40 hours a week, and commuting about 2 hours each day. I’m just going to end up with no free time. Although I have decided that I’m going to give myself one day each week where I don’t do any studying, otherwise I will feel like I don’t get any free time at all, and that will make me miserable.

But despite all that, I really am looking forward to studying and finally getting my childcare qualification. This time next year I’ll have my level three, I’ll be able to look for better paying jobs that are nearer to where I live. I honestly can’t wait for the day when I get to walk to work. Haha.

I can’t wait to get started on my studying. This is going to be so good, and so worthwhile. Bring it on!!

Love Bobbi. Xx.

So far this year…

This post is just a quick summary of how things are going so far this year. We’re nearly three weeks into 2020, and things are pretty good so far.

This week I’ve had a fairly bad cold after only just getting over my previous cold. The joys of working with small children is when they sneeze in your face, and then you have to suffer a cold for ages. I wasn’t impressed. Haha. On Monday this week TWO children sneezed on me, and five days later I still feel like crap.

But mostly things have been positive so far. Most week days I have been getting up at 0530 and putting on make up before leaving the house (I didn’t wear make up to work at all last year). I go lots of positive comments for my make up, but this week what with not feeling my best I stayed in bed a little bit longer instead of doing my make up. But I think I needed the rest.

I am rather pleased with myself for getting up earlier though. I’m going to try moving my wake up time a little bit earlier over the next month or so I think, once I have my full energy back. Then I might be able to get more done in the mornings, maybe drink coffee and read a book. But I’m not too fussy about that at the moment, so long as I’m not running late all the time like I had been for a while before Christmas.

I am also doing much better at staying up to date with my Bullet Journal. In the past I had updated it maybe once per week. When I first started using my bujo I was somewhat obsessed with it, and HAD to do it every night before bed. Maybe I can start introducing it again as part of my night routine (which I haven’t started working on just yet).

On the other hand, I haven’t been doing so well with my reading progress as I had hoped. Today I finished my first book of the year (which I had started before Christmas). The book was The Well of Ascension, which is the second book in the Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. I really enjoyed that book, but it was about 760 pages. But I still don’t think it should have taken me almost a month to read. I found it kind of slow going at the beginning, but after a couple of hundred pages into it, the action and drama got more intense. So the past week I have been reading at least fifty pages every day.

I want to be able to read fifty to a hundred pages every day, and having a long commute to work every day does help with that, but when I’m tired or if the book isn’t holding my attention too well then I really struggle to focus. So that is something I want to work on for a while.

I’m also going to try reading some graphic novels and listening to some audiobooks as much as I can to try to catch up. If I want to reach my reading goal for this year then I’m going to have to complete about eight or nine books each month. That’s going to be really difficult considering I mostly don’t even complete three to five books each month. But I can work on it, and in time I will improve. I just need a strategy and consistency. 🙂

Also, I haven’t done any sewing yet this year. Honestly, I’d like to have time at home alone to do sewing, but that’s not something that’s likely to happen for a while. So I’m either going to have to get on with it with my parents around, or just keep putting it off for a while, which is more likely. Haha.

However I have been writing in my journal a few times so far. I probably haven’t been writing in it as much as I had wanted to at the beginning of the month, but I can solve that quite easily.

There are still plenty of my 2020 goals that I want to work on (see my 2020 goals post for the full list). But there is plenty of time for all of that. If I can get on well with a few of my goals at the beginning of the year then it will be easier for me to pick up the others in time. Things haven’t gone too badly so far, and I’m quite please with how positive I feel at the moment.

I want to continue working towards getting up early, and getting more reading done. I think those are my two main focuses at the moment. I have also been keeping better track of my finances this year. I’m even keeping within my budget for January. Haha. I have spent far less money on coffees from cafes, and have had packed lunches nearly every day at work, and that does so much good for my bank account. Lol.

Anyways, I think that’s all I have to say for now.

Love Bobbi. Xx.

Goals For 2020.

Every year I give myself a selection of goals that I want to achieve by the end of the year. And, to be honest, I usually only achieve one or two of those goals. This year I’ve chosen sixteen goals. It does sound like a lot, but I want to achieve quite a lot of things this year. Not all of them are necessarily important, some are just for fun. But half the fun is the challenge anyway. These goals range through, personal, health, reading, and work.

I am going to run through all of the goals, and give you a brief explanations for each of them.

1 – read 50-70 books

Every year I set myself a reading goal. In 2018 I read 50 books, this year I’ve only read about 30 books. I really want to push myself in 2020, and I really need to get in the habit of making better use of my time.

2 – complete level 3 childcare qualification

As I mentioned in my introduction, I am an unqualified nursery practitioner. In 2020 I am going to start studying for my qualification, and I’d really like to complete it before the end of the year.

3 – maintain blog all year

This is a new blog, and I’d really like to keep it running all year. I am aiming to publish at least one post per week.

4 – write in my diary twice a week or more

I think writing about my emotions and life and on a regular basis will be really good for my mental health.

5 – write in sewing journal for projects

I am quite intent on getting into sewing and I think if I write about it in journal form each time I work on my project it will help me to develop my skills, and keep track of what I learn each time I work on a project.

6 – work on sewing projects once per week

I know that this is going to be difficult because setting up all my sewing things takes time, and then I still have to tidy it up afterwards. It’s also inconvenient because the space I use is the family dining table and it bothers me to do things like this around other people.

However, I have been meaning to get into this hobby for the past two years, but I have never put in the time to properly learn what I’m doing. Once I am comfortable with the basics (and with reading and interpreting patterns) then I will be able to find it more relaxing and enjoyable.

7 – write in reading journal for each book I read

This is just a fun and active way for me to keep track of what I read and how I feel about it.

8 – move into my brother’s bedroom

At the beginning of last year my brother left home and I’ve been meaning to move into his room as it is bigger than mine. This will require a lot of decluttering, as well as planning out what furniture I want, and where I’ll put it. This is definitely a long-term project, but I am super excited about this.

9 – quit wasting time on my phone

I have a really bad habit of spending too much time on my phone. I really like the idea of being productive and making good use of my time. But I also get easily distracted by pointless games on my phone, or scrolling through social media. Recently I deleted all the games on my phone, and that has really helped me to spend less time on my phone.

However, I think I also need to choose to schedule specific time to relax, during which I’ll allow myself to spend time on my phone. Intentional time-wasting is fine. 🙂

10 – tidy bedroom each night

This is just a little habit to keep my bedroom more organised. I will dedicate ten minutes before I start getting ready for bed each night. But it will make my room a much nicer and more comfortable environment to live in. This will make it easier for me to relax, but also to focus when I’m trying to complete tasks.

11 – impliment evening routine

This will help me to fall asleep more easily if I do the same set of things every single night. I will end up being ready for bed at the same time every night, so I ought to be falling asleep around the same time every night. This should make it easier for me to wake up at the same time each morning. I plan to start getting ready for bed half an hour before I want to be in bed, if this is not enough time for me then I will start getting ready earlier.

12 – impliment morning routine

In much the same vain, this will help me to get up in the morning, and allow me to feel more relaxed in the mornings so I’m not rushing to get ready before I have to leave the house.

13 – wear light make-up every day

This can be part of my morning routine, and might make me feel more positive about my appearance.

14 – 12,000 steps per day

I walk quite a lot on work days both as part of my job and as part of my commute, but I want to encourage myself to move around more on other days. This is just an easy way to stay active whilst not feeling like I’m really doing any exercise.

15 – listen to one audiobook per month

This will help me to achieve my reading goal, and make better use of my Audible account. It is also a good way to read whilst I’m doing other things like sewing, writing my journal, falling alseep, or walking.

16 – read one e-book per month

Similarly this is an easy way for me to carry books. I’ve had a Kindle for about five years, and I haven;t read many books on it yet. So I want to make better use of my Kindle. Also, Kindle books are sometimes cheaper, or released earlier than paperback editions. They also save space in my bedroom, which is already full of books.

---

So that is my list of goals for the coming year. Some of them are habits that will take time for me to pick up, others are targets that I want to reach each month or by the end of the year.

All of them, however, are things that I can work on each and every day. This will help me to build positive habits that will encourage me to become the person I want to be at the end of this year.

I will let you know how this progresses over time.

Love Bobbi. Xx.

A New Commitment.

I have neglected this blog. I had previously thought that I would be able to keep this blog updated regularly. It seems I was mistaken.

So, here’s for a new attempt. During 2020 I intend to post on this blog at least once per week. I may not be the best blogger, being so new to this. But this is how I’m going to learn.

This is my commitment to share my life with the internet. So allow me to introduce myself.

About me.

My name is Robyn. You may call me Rob or Bobbi. I’m 26. I live in the UK, just outside London.

I work in childcare at a nursery and preschool, although I am not currently qualified. I am hoping to start my level 3 childcare course at the beginning of 2020.

One of my favourite pastimes is reading. I wish I read more often and a lot faster, but we don’t always get what we want. Haha. Anyway, I intend to read about fifty books per year. This year I haven’t quite made it, but I want to read more in 2020. So I might make some posts about books and reading.

I am also in the early stages of learning how to sew clothing. I bought a setting machine early in 2018, but haven’t yet finished my first garment. This is partly because I feel that it is a lot of effort to set up my sewing machine. I don’t really have a particular place to do my sewing, so I have to set it up on the family dining table. It just seems like a lot of faff. Sew that is something else I might blog about.

I used to enjoy drawing, and have recently thought about trying it again. It has been quite a while since I used to draw on a regular basis, so it may take some time for me to find my stride again. I used to spend a lot of time using colouring pencils. It’s sounds quite childish though, but they do come in professional artist quality. Lol.

It seems that I want to learn a lot of new things at the moment, or relearn done old things. I always tell myself that I’m going to teach myself Spanish again, but I think I’ll believe that when it happens.

I am very much interested in self-improvement, although I’m not too good at it (something I need to improve upon). Lol.

A recent photo:

I am quite looking forward to using this blog. If nothing else it will allow me to track progress on my life. I shall be back soon with another update. 🙂

Love Bobbi. Xx.

With a New Job Comes the Need For New Habits.

Even though I’m always talking about starting new habits (at least in my mind, if not with anyone else), I never actually manage to change my habits.

I’ll be starting a new job on Monday, and I need to create some habits to go with it. Well, I will need new daily habits for this job, but I will need to try to start them beforehand so that they will come more easily.

I don’t know if I’m explaining this right…

I want to already have the habits by the time I start my new job. That’s what I meant. And I know that will be rather difficult. It’s almost impossible to start (and maintain) habits in just one week, but I can at least try to plan and organise them.

With the start of this new job I will need to be getting up at around 0530 each morning. That might be a bit of a shock to the system, and I may find that I don’t really need to be up until about 0600 or 0630 once I get in the rhythm of travelling to this job. But either way, that is still far earlier that I tend to get up to work in the shop.

That one will certainly be tricky, but getting up at a regular time every day will surely do wonders for my mental health. I certainly noticed it was easier to control my moods over the Christmas season when I was basically doing the same shift every single day.

Another good habit I will need to pick up is preparing packed lunches every night before bed. I can’t be wasting money on food (especially at London prices) when I’m already spending more on travel that I do currently.

Also, I want to try to avoid unhealthy food if I can. I don’t mind maybe having a sweet snack each day, but I don’t want the greasy, awful food they sell in fast food places. At least if I prepare myself lunches then I won’t be tempted to buy food while I’m at work.

Those are the two main habits that I’ve thought of so far, but there are probably a whole bunch more.

Obviously with the getting up early come the going to bed early as well. I’ll just need to sort out some kind of routine for each morning and evening that will allow me to cope with the tiredness and everything.

I’ll also need to fit in time for studying since I’m training for a qualification as part of this job.

Anyways…

Until next time…

Love Bobbi. Xx.

Appearance and Mindset.

Appearance

In my research for this life change, I saw several people who said that changing one’s outside appearance can help to start the change. It is an easy physical change that shows others that you are on your way to changing who you are.

I want my style to come across as somewhat business/casual. But I also want to just look more grown up / mature.

As well as my outfits, I want to let my hair grow out quite long. I don’t want to use extensions, but I wish I could make it longer faster. I’m also going to keep my hair brown for now, although I do enjoy experimenting with different colours every so often.

I also want to wear make-up more often. This will mean that I have to practise it more often as I don’t think I’m particularly skilled at doing my make-up, and I’d like to be able to do it faster.

I have some cheaper make-up which I could use on a daily basis, and more high-end make-up that I can save for special occasions.

Mindset

A change in mindset will make a whole load of difference when becoming a new person. Personally, I feel that I need a more positive and open mindset. I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to make this happen. I often have negative or skeptical thoughts, and I don’t think that does me any good.

I think I could try regular meditation to help relax my mind and let in more positive thoughts. Also, exercise is supposed to help with this too, as it gives you time to take your mind off your other difficulties.

If I have a positive mindset then it will open up more opportunities for things that I want in my life. I want to be able to see the good in each situation rather than focusing on what went wrong.

I heard somewhere recently that you should look at the positive in everything, even things that go wrong. Find what’s good about missing the train, or not getting a job offer. See the positive or the learning curve from falling over, or breaking your favourite mug.

I don’t know how I feel about this technique, but it can’t hurt to try.

Until next time…

Love Bobbi. Xx.

How I Plan to Change My Life.

I have been on this blog for about a month now, and I feel as though I haven’t made all that much improvement to my life. It’s not as though I expected everything to change overnight, because I knew that this would be a long, and probably arduous journey, but I had hoped that I would at least have seen some mild change, or taken a few steps in some direction whether or not it’s the right direction.

However, I still seem to be exactly where I was when I started, only a little more annoyed about it.

So I have decided to work on more of a plan of action. I found seven categories of my life that I need to work on, and from there I can find more detailed ways of working on each of these over time.

The Categories:

• Appearance
• Mindset
• Occupation
• Hobbies
• Routines
• Physical health
• Environment/Living Space

I think I will write separate posts for each one as they could become a little lengthy. But this is just the foundation of my plans. 🙂

Until next time…

Love Bobbi. Xx.

Reasonable Advice From an Almost-Stranger.

Recently I had to attend a family event where I met a lot of family who I hadn’t seen for many years, and some people who I’d only met once or twice before as they are friends of relatives.

As these were people who hardly knew me, there was the frequent question, “So, what do you do?”. And to be quite honest, I felt kind of embarrassed to say,

“Hey, I’ve been stuck in the same dead-end retail job for the past three years because I don’t have the motivation or inclination to bother applying for jobs, let alone the nerve to go to an interview for one.”

So I just left it as, “Oh, I work in a shop.”

Now let’s take a step back here. I have hated my current job for about three years out of a total three years and four months that I’ve been there. There are always good days and bad days, but quite often my mental health has got in the way of my relationships with my colleagues and the customers.

And I know that I’m the only one who can do anything about that, and personally I feel that my mental health has improved over the past couple of years (especially since I was put on medication for it). But that still hasn’t given me enough confidence or encouragement to proceed to finding a new job, no matter how miserable I’ve been whilst working at the shop.

Anyway, back to the family social event.

After a few hours of being asked the same question, “What are you doing with your life?” I had one of these ‘friends of a relative’ response to my brief answer with, “But what do you want to be doing?”

I had a moments hesitation. There is something that I’ve been thinking about for a while. I’ve hardly told anyone about it because I don’t know if it would actually be possible. But I really like the idea of working in childcare. I really enjoy interacting with children in the shop, and I love seeing their happy faces as they tell me about their toys or school or anything.

“I kind of like the idea of working in childcare,” I replied. “But I know that might mean I have to go back into education.”

There wasn’t much more conversation after that as other people came to talk to the friend, but she noticed me just before she left the venue.

She looked at me and said one thing:

“Follow your dreams.”

It might seem cliche, or vague, or whatever you want to say. But, to be honest, I kind of feel like that is the one small push that I needed to encourage me back to job-hunting.

I’ve started looking online for Unqualified Childcare jobs in local nurseries and such. I don’t know what to expect.All I need is one successful application and interview, and then I can start gaining experience towards building a bigger career.

So I guess, for now, “follow your dreams” will be a bit like my mantra”. Just a small phrase to give me that extra boost of encouragement to do the things that I want in order for me to achieve my goals.

i don’t know if it will be any help or encouragement for you, but I think we all need a little encouragement to keep us working on our goals, no matter how small it is.

Until next time…

Love, Bobbi. Xx.